


Hold Me To That

by GamblingDementor



Category: Firebringer - Team StarKid
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Post-Canon, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2020-04-08 10:59:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19105744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GamblingDementor/pseuds/GamblingDementor
Summary: Without her meaning to, her mind kept bringing her back to how Zazzalil had recoiled from her at first when Jemilla had wanted to cash in on the marriage offer. It had lasted but a moment and Zazzalil had given her some love of her own every instant that followed but those few seconds of doubt kept nagging at the back of Jemilla's mind. Jemilla had never been especially prone to doubting herself but she supposed that such strong feelings towards Zazz were bound to be balanced out by the fear of losing her. Even after marriage.Some fluffy piece of Jemilla and Zazzalil having the Feelings talk after the show ends.





	Hold Me To That

The first day Jemilla was reunited with her tribe, for once in their lives, all the other tribe members set themselves to work all on their own on rebuilding a village outside while Jemilla took lazy time off for herself and her wife. The tribe was thriving with a new motivation but all she could do, when Zazzalil grabbed her hand and pulled her to the quiet and now empty cave for some time on their own, was to follow her wherever she would lead and to hell with the work that needed done.

Finding herself back here was a strange feeling, joy overwhelming every part of her but doubt too was mingling where she did not want it. Even the cave was not as familiar as it had been but maybe that as well was better than before. When Zazzalil crouched with a bunch of dead branches and kindled a small fire for the two of them, the cave was brighter and warmer than Jemilla had ever known it. She saw it all then, felt it all. It was quite a small cave for that amount of emotions just between two people. She gulped and sat quietly in the spot Zazzalil patted next to her.

Change was good, Jemilla told herself. Just earlier, she had been wife to dozens of beautiful people. Now she was the wife of one beautiful person and she knew she would make that trade again if she had the choice, every time. _She_ would make it. Without her meaning to, her mind kept bringing her back to how Zazzalil had recoiled from her at first when Jemilla had wanted to cash in on the marriage offer. It had lasted but a moment and Zazzalil had given her some love of her own every instant that followed but those few seconds of doubt kept nagging at the back of Jemilla's mind. Jemilla had never been especially prone to doubting herself but she supposed that such strong feelings towards Zazz were bound to be balanced out by the fear of losing her. Even after marriage.

But Zazzalil _had_ married her, hadn't she? No one else had fallen on one knee to slid a ring round Jemilla's finger. She'd offered it to her first and Zazzalil could have simply taken her, but she hadn't done quite just that. She had gone above and beyond to make Jemilla feel special and cared for, a whole proposal of her own. That had to mean something, that had to mean _more_. But then, why did Jemilla's mind keep flashing back to that one moment in time?

Zazzalil was currently rambling. Something about what had happened between Schwoopsie and Tiblyn when Jemilla was gone, an anecdote which by the look of her was meant to be funny, but Jemilla had missed half of it already and she could only smile while her mind ran with thoughts of her own. Her thumb kept tracing the rough shape of the ring around her finger and she wondered if her stupid cave woman brain would ever let her freely enjoy time with her wife. But counting on fretting forever was without considering that Zazzalil would inevitably catch on it. Her hand on Jemilla's arm, she grabbed her attention for earnest this time.

"Hey, babe," she said, smiling. "We've lost you. What's wrong?"

How sincere and kind her eyes when she looked up at Jemilla. They were leaning against the wall of the cave and there was some short distance between them but to Jemilla, it seemed like the width of the world. She breathed in. The doubts would only remain and possibly worsen if she allowed them to linger. The only way out was through.

"Zazzalil, did you mean to marry me?"

Of course, that brought a smirk to Zazzalil's lips, who never took something seriously if humor was an option.

"Why?" She asked, gently pinching Jemilla's arm, "Do you think I tripped and fell into marriage?"

Jemilla did not know the words to express her anxieties, vague as they were. All her life, she had devoted herself to her tribe and now the rest of her days would belong to Zazzalil if she allowed it, vested in someone else, but when it came to handling her own emotions, she was near useless. Zazzalil was staring at her expectantly and still she was speechless. But she had gotten herself the perfect wife, hadn't she? From teasing, she turned concerned and her touch at Jemilla's arm was much more tender.

"Jemilla, what's this about?"

Her hand slid down to hold Jemilla's and their fingers met where Jemilla was still touching her ring. She breathed in. They had not been married a full day. It wasn't right to be doubting Zazzalil so soon but the earlier she brought it up, the better, she told herself.

"I've just been wondering if..." she said, "If you would do it again if you could. Or if things had been different."

That was not what Zazzalil had been expecting, whatever it was that she might have. She frowned.

"Shit, J-Mills, we've been married for what, five hours, and that's where your brain goes? I don't know, babe."

Now was the time for Jemilla's expectations, which she had not even known she had, to be blown into nothing. She swallowed, trying to take the doubts away from herself, but to no avail. Zazzalil was suddenly restless, the bad kind of it. She pulled Jemilla's hand to her chest, trapping it between hers against her heart.

"Oh jeez, no, you're upset, that's not what I meant! I just... I mean, it's like when I found fire and stuff by accident and it changed everything? That's how I feel about you."

"What the fuck does that _mean_ , Zazz?"

Zazzalil sighed dramatically.

"I don't have a plan for anything in my life, ever," she said seriously, though they both knew that wasn't the whole truth, "But that doesn't mean all my decisions are meaningless."

Under her fingers, Jemilla could faintly sense the heartbeat of Zazzalil and her own syncing up with it.

"Yeah... ?"

Zazzalil scooted closer to her. Wrapping an arm around Jemilla's shoulders, she held her so very close Jemilla's face was nuzzling into her neck. It reminded her of the way Molag had always hugged her from when she was a little girl and she smiled at the comforting thought.

"You remember that summer when I was what, 9 years old, and I ate those purple berries and almost died and I swore I'd never eat anything purple ever again in my life?"

Her fingers were tracing the line between Jemilla's skin and her brassiere. It was so soothing she might as well have forgotten the fears she'd been having and the bullshit that came out of Zazzalil's mouth. She nodded. Sometimes, it was much easier to let Zazzalil's thoughts run their course entirely before commenting on them.

"Well, I never did. I can make _some_ decisions forever."

Jemilla huffed. Perhaps it was for the better that Zazzalil's mind ran wild even when Jemilla thought she needed a serious conversation. Some things never changed.

"So you're saying our marriage is like your weird food squick?"

"No!" Zazzalil retorted. She brought Jemilla's hand closer to her face to snuggle into it. "No, I'm saying that when stuff really matters..." She pressed a kiss to Jemilla's open palm. "I stick to it."

"Uh huh..."

But that wasn't enough enthusiasm for Zazzalil's relentless need for it. She touched Jemilla's face, a gentle hold to look into her eyes.

"Hey, tell me what's bothering you, okay? Whatever it is, I wanna know."

The sound of her voice, how tender it was, it could almost make Jemilla believe it. _Go big or go home._ Well, Jemilla _was_ home. She wouldn't be chased from it again, especially by herself.

"What I mean is," she looked down, unable to hold up that stare, "If you want an out, you can have it. I did the same with Schwoopsie, it's fine. I won't blame you for it."

A small part of her was entirely convinced that Zazzalil would just quietly stand up and leave this cave, find herself another wife, maybe a husband, and they'd forget all about this silly afternoon of marriage. The much larger, reasonable part of her was still relieved when Zazz only cuddled closer into Jemilla's side and hugged her tight, almost too tight for comfort.

"What the fuck, babe? I don't _want_ an out. You're stuck with me until I get, I dunno, crushed by a rock or trampled by a giant sloth."

She kissed Jemilla's hair, then her cheek. Much more hesitantly, her lips, briefly, with something like shyness if Zazzalil ever possessed such a trait. Her smile was so simple, so sincere. It had always been and Jemilla had always been partial to it, long before she had ever considered anything could come of that thought.

"I have a confession," Jemilla muttered.

"Uh huh?"

For a brief instant, Jemilla told herself she had been much too bold and should have never brought anything up. What was that Molag said her own method was? _Bury your fears in the tombs of the enemies you've fallen._ Rather unhelpful in this situation.

"I've, erm, _liked_ you for a long time."

That had Zazzalil's smile broaden, though it might have been a teasing smirk. Jemilla was in no state to determine.

"A long time? How long?"

How comfortable, how warm she felt in Zazzalil's embrace. How much easier it was to open up when she was nestled in those arms.

"Well, you remember that summer when you were like 9 and ate too many purple berries and I was 8 and held your hair while you puked for ten days?"

Zazzalil's cheeks looked very red in this instant. Surely, it was the heat from the fire.

"Yeah?"

Jemilla smirked. She booped Zazz's nose.

"That was gross as fuck, it took me like five years to get a crush on you after that. I was trying to forget."

Zazzalil burst out laughing. The way she looked at Jemilla was familiar, yet so unfamiliar in that it had never been directed at her before. But whatever barrier that had existed invisibly between them before had been torn down now and Zazzalil poured out her whole affection.

"Tell me more," she said. "When was it, then?"

The fire crackled. Jemilla breathed - the smoke was blowing the opposite side of theirs and all she got was the pleasant warmth and roasted smell of burning wood.

"It was when Molag was still the leader. She was out in battle with the rest of the tribe but we were too young..." Zazzalil looked wrapped in what Jemilla was saying when she glanced down and for a few seconds they lost themselves in each other's gaze before Jemilla blinked a few times and went on. "It was just us and Tiblyn in the cave but she was sleeping. I said I didn't like wars and they made me scared and you said that when I'd be the leader, you'd fight my wars for me so I would never get scared."

She didn't know if Zazzalil even remembered that moment. Sometimes, even she doubted that it had happened at all, yet she just had to look at Zazz to see her again that day, the first time she had looked at her and felt more than purely friendly affection.

"You grabbed some stick from the ground and pretended to be a warrior to make me laugh, and there was like a ray of moonlight and..." She sighed, realizing how far she was going to go before getting there and stopping herself from spilling any more. "It's stupid."

Zazzalil's reply was firm and certain.

"No it's not." Another kiss on Jemilla's hand, this time the knuckles and fingertips. "It's not stupid."

Jemilla smiled tentatively.

"Long story short, you looked really hot."

Zazzalil's smug grin was just as hot now as it had been then.

"I did, did I?"

"Uh huh," Jemilla nodded.

They smiled at each other. Jemilla could almost have forgotten all about her doubts if it weren't for her conscience begging her for closure.

"I know I forced your hand at this marriage thing," she sighed. "You offered because you were so desperate to save the tribe, and when we talked I just remembered all these... feelings... I'd always had for you and I thought maybe this was the only chance. And I just... went for it."

"Doing something without thinking, huh? Wonder who taught you that." Zazzalil nudged her playfully but grew serious. "You didn't force my hand at all, though."

"I feel like I did. You were hesitant and..."

"Well, I'm a grown ass woman who's telling you you didn't, babe."

Zazzalil's voice cut sharp as stone and Jemilla would almost have thought her upset if they weren't still tangled in an intimate embrace. She stared and Zazzalil shrugged.

"I mean, yeah, I don't have a cute story of how I fell in love like fifteen years ago or something but who cares?"

Jemilla was not sure if she cared, only because Zazzalil definitely seemed not to.

"Like, if I learned anything when you were banned it's that being a leader is fucking hard. And you did it all those years and even with all that crap that happened, I think you were doing a pretty good job. When you were gone, I had no fucking idea what I was doing."

She paused. Her fingers were tapping against Jemilla's, counting knuckles as she looked for her words.

"What I mean is, I think sometimes love just... happens. I don't think it _has_ to be a moment in time or like, years of pining, you know?"

Jemilla did not know. She had never known less.

"I understand you better now than I ever did all those years and I... appreciate you. Love you, even, yeah. Hell yeah."

Jemilla felt warmer than she had but she was certain the fire was not burning any brighter than before.

"Can you... Can you say that again?"

For a second, she was afraid Zazzalil wouldn't catch her drift and she'd have to painfully make herself beg for it but Zazz hadn't been lying when she said she understood her better than ever before. She cradled her face between her hands, smiling softly.

"I love you."

Jemilla couldn't stop her heart racing or her mouth smiling. She wondered if she ever could stop.

"I love you too," she said and felt her eyes tearing up despite herself, but Zazzalil rubbed them clear tenderly. "I'm so fucking happy you're my wife."

They kissed, because they could do absolutely nothing else, because they needed to, because their world would come to an end if they didn't, and when they were done kissing, they kissed again. Jemilla asked herself if she would ever make it out of the cave at this rhythm. And just kissing... She'd had an extra share of fun and pleasure with the Neanderthals and yet all of that seemed to fade in comparison. But Zazzalil was the first to pull away, hardly a breath of distance but any at all was too much to Jemilla's taste.

"Babe, I'm super serious, though." She smiled. "I can be serious sometimes."

A curl of hair had loosened from her ponytail and Jemilla pushed it behind her ear, brushing the shape of it with soft fingers.

"I know you can," she said quietly.

Zazzalil caught her hand and entwined their fingers.

"I wanna be with you. Are you kidding?" She kissed her knuckles again. "You're smart and you're passionate about stuff and you're _stupid hot_ …"

Jemila laughed.

"I was just afraid you weren't that into it…"

"I'm into it," Zazz promised. "I'm super into it! Fuck, I asked _you_ to marry me. That's it, babe, the deal is done, we're stuck together now."

"Stuck with you, huh? I can deal with that"

"Here's my cute story, then. I asked you to be my wife and when you agreed I realized, shit, I totally want that, actually. That sounds amazing. It sounds perfect."

They kissed again.

Jemilla had thought about kissing Zazzalil many, many times before. It hadn't always been especially detailed scenarios, of course. Specifically that night she had fallen for her when they were still children, the rough shape of it had been that she wanted Zazzalil's arms around her and her tongue in her mouth. The daydreams had hardly evolved since, only passing thoughts often enough that she could not deny the crush to herself, but brief enough that she could justify not acting on it. There had been evenings of longing in the cave watching her whisper surreptitiously with Keeri, lazy summer afternoons when the nuts and berries were so plentiful that Zazzalil could afford to slack off by lying in the sun for hours and how Jemilla had looked on in secret and craved to lie by her side and maybe, if she had the guts, hold her hand. She never had, of course, not in a million years. Many times she had kissed her cheek in encouragement and try to scare herself out of doing it again, except she always eventually had. It hadn't been completely obsessive to the point of being out of control, of course, and she would pride herself in the fact that her feelings had always been to some extent under wrap, but the crush had always been a small little voice at the back of her mind. It had only gotten easier to push down at the Neanderthals when she was surrounded by many loving spouses, but it had taken only one glance at Zazzalil, small and lost and seeking help, for the voice to shout loud and clear again. And yet now that the kisses went from dream to truthful, how extremely, unbelievably better the reality of being here together with Zazzalil was than all the fantasies spread over many years. Jemilla felt like she could never satiate herself of it. Peace, among other things, was something you made together.

All evening, they kissed a lot and talked a little until night was starting to fall and Jemilla realized that not once had they been interrupted.

"You think we should be helping the others at some point?" Jemilla suggested, starting to worry a little bit but only a little.

Zazz glanced out the cave opening and shook her head.

"I think they'll manage without us for a little bit. I just wanna be with my wife right now. Now and always."

Jemilla smiled. She wrapped her arms around Zazzalil's neck for the thousandth time tonight and kissed her.

"Now and always sounds great."

**Author's Note:**

> Please, I beg of you leave a comment if you've liked this! It makes me live and breathe. 
> 
> Also come talk to me about Jemilla or Zazzalil on tumblr at musicalsandfluff.


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